3 Ways to Improve Communication with Your Teen
Parenting presents numerous challenges, which can seem to intensify as children transition into adolescence. During this stage of development, teens begin to explore their identities and their place in the world, particularly in relation to peers and authority figures. Parents often find themselves in the difficult position of wanting their teens to feel comfortable talking openly but not knowing how to achieve it. Sometimes, underlying issues like depression or anxiety make teens reluctant to share their true thoughts. However, certain skills can significantly show your teen that you care about their feelings.
How we talk to our teens matters
The way that parents talk to teens can either hinder or encourage communication. Asking “How was school today?” is a classic way to start conversations with kids. However, your response matters more than the question. Adults often have unspoken expectations about how children should answer. And when kids’ responses don’t meet these expectations, adults can become frustrated, feeling that the question wasn’t properly answered.
Are you falling into this trap? Try these strategies below to encourage more open communication with your teen.
Three Ways to Improve Communication with your Teen
1) Let Teens Choose the Topic
Asking open-ended questions allows your teen to choose the topic of conversation. Entering into conversations with your teen with genuine curiosity fosters connection and open communication. Consider this exchange between grandmother and granddaughter:
A grandmother asks her teenage granddaughter, “How was your day?”
The granddaughter sighs and starts talking about how her friends Rachel and McKenzie haven’t spoken all week and sat at different tables at lunch for the first time since ninth grade.
“I asked how your day was, not about Rachel and McKenzie,” the grandmother responds.
The granddaughter then simply says, “It was fine,” and leaves the room.
While the grandmother begins the conversation with curiosity, she ends with dismissing her granddaughter’s social circle as irrelevant. Irrelevant is far from the truth. Social relationships are crucial for adolescents as they seek more support from their peers. Encouraging teens to discuss their social lives shows that adults recognize their need for independence while being a safe source of support and education about healthy relationships while also enabling parents to monitor peer influences. The same applies if the granddaughter had started talking about a favorite show or a YouTube video. These topics, though seemingly unrelated to how the granddaughter is “doing,” offer insight into her personal experiences. Showing a willingness to listen to these experiences is crucial for adults who want access to their teens’ thoughts and feelings.
2) Actively Listen
To show teens—and anyone else—that you are paying attention, use simple active listening techniques. First, fully listen to the speaker, not just the content but also the way they speak and the inflection of their voice. Demonstrate active listening through body language, such as nodding, maintaining eye contact, and slightly leaning toward the speaker. Avoid distractions like using your phone, interrupting to interject your own opinions, and switching topics to maintain focus on the speaker.
Active listening benefits both parties. By showing teens that we are actively listening, even to mundane topics, we demonstrate that we can handle serious discussions just as well. This encourages open communication between teens and adults during times of distress or concern.
3) Validate, Validate, Validate!
During adolescence, emotions often feel magnified. In American culture, we think of the stereotypical “dramatic teen,” to whom everything is a catastrophe. Due to this tumultuous stage of the teenage brain’s development, small things can feel like catastrophes, even when logic says they are not. As adults, we are in a privileged position to normalize teens’ feelings and help them feel heard, even if the situation seems trivial to us.
Validation statements show teens that we are willing to hear them out, no matter what’s on their mind. Consider these emotional statements and validating responses:
Teen 1: Rachel and McKenzie have known each other since kindergarten! And now they’re not even talking to each other!
Adult 1: That sounds really tough for you to watch at school.
Teen 2: John hasn’t texted me since yesterday. Is there something wrong with me?
Adult 2: I can tell you’re worried. Is there anything I can do to help?
Teen 3: I still can’t believe we made it to Regionals! Coach said this is the first time our school’s gotten there in four years!
Adult 3: You all worked very hard this year. You deserve to feel this excited!
By showing teens that an adult care about what they have to say, no matter how small, we provide them the space to feel comfortable discussing bigger issues. Adolescence is one of the most emotionally turbulent times of life, and teens deserve the same amount of love and support as they did when they were younger. Fostering open and supportive communication also models healthy adult-child relationships, which will help them as they grow into adulthood.
Begin Teen Therapy in Severna Park, MD
Teen therapy at Thinking Tree can help your child and your family thrive! If your teenager seems to be struggling or shares struggles that feel too big to handle alone, Thinking Tree Psychology is here to help. Whether you seek individual therapy for your teen or family therapy to address unique family dynamics, our Severna Park therapy office has skilled clinicians trained to provide individualized and collaborative support.
To start your teen or family therapy journey, follow these simple steps:
Meet with one of our caring clinicians
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Other Services at Thinking Tree Psychology
Teen therapy is not the only service we offer at Thinking Tree Psychology in Severna Park, MD. Our skilled therapists provide a wide range of mental health services to help your entire family thrive. For example, at Thinking Tree Psychology, we have clinicians who can offer psychoeducational testing, parenting support, anxiety treatment through therapy, therapy for chronic illness, and therapy for young adults. At this time, we are also offering telehealth psychology services as a convenient, safe way to attend therapy. Please visit our therapy overview page to learn more about additional therapy services. For other questions, please visit our FAQ page.
Martine Parode, LCPC is a psychotherapist who specializes in working with teenagers and young adults with anxiet, mood disorders, trauma and stress. Martine is trained to meet clients where they are, using a person-centered and strengths-based philosophy to guide treatment. Each therapy experience is unique to the client’s needs, and Martine teaches clients to process and cope with their symptoms using a variety of therapeutic methods. She is certified in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy Plus (CBT+). Martine has a special clinical interest in challenges related to sport performance and dysautonomia.